I feel cold
by Fadinglight21
Summary: 4 times Ezra has felt cold over the years.
1. Absence of a Parent

**Disclaimer: Star Wars Rebels is not my property, it belongs to disney, I do not intend to make any profit off of this.**

 **Warnings: I didn't put anything gory or bloody here, but if you'd like me to bump up the rating please say so in the comments, thanks :)**

 **Enjoy!**

1\. The small boy clutched his stuffed lothcat to his chest as his back slide against the wall. He collapsed onto his knees, the tile floor hard against his legs. Ezra curled himself into a ball, his trembling fingers holding the stuffed toy even closer. His stomach twinged a little, the absence of food making itself known.

He hadn't eaten the since _they_ had come and taken his parents away.

The walls of the kitchen loomed in front of him. The room that had often been the most lively felt like a desert now. The arched window had white moonlight shining through it. _(Not as white as the monsters who had burst through the house.)_

On another night, he would of eagerly asked his mother to tell him the story about it. _"Mom tell me about the lady of the moon!"_ He'd say, tugging at her dress. They'd sit at the table, him insisting that he was big enough to sit on an adult chair. Mira would put him on her lap anyways.

She was always the best storyteller, her voice changing with each character. Blue eyes would go wide as an owl's, or narrow as a lothwolf's. Ezra's cheerful laughter would fill the kitchen.

Sometimes his father would join in, his face getting more weary as the days went by, but still fond.

He'd sit next to Mira, placing his son on his lap and adding into the story. Warmth would flood into the room as Epirham made caf on the stove, preparing for the long night of broadcasting ahead.

The broadcasting that had led to their arrest.

 _They'll come back,_ Ezra though as he picked himself off the floor and stumbled into his room. The exhaustion finally overtaking him as he crawled into bed. _They promised! They have to come back! (Loud voices, angry shouts, tears in his parents eyes, shining in the darkness. "We'll come back Ezra," his father, voice trembling for the first time,"We promise we won't leave you.")_

But the ache of grief was starting to take hold in his small chest. His mother's hands weren't there to stroke his inky black hair. Her warm lips missing from his forehead. His father's deep voice wasn't there to say goodnight, weren't there to pull the covers up to his chin. Ezra could feel a sob welling in his throat but he shoved it aside And pulled the covers closer.

He couldn't do anything to push aside the freezing absence of his parents, the cold feeling of dread, and the knot of frigid fear that they wouldn't keep their promise.

* * *

 **Hello and thank you for reading the first chapter of "I feel cold." I'm sorry that its so short! Please tell me what you think in the Reviews! I have ideas for 2, 3, 4, Should I continue? If I got anything wrong please tell me, thanks!**


	2. Chill of the wind

**Hello everyone! Thank you for the kind reviews on the last chapter! This chapter is a lot longer then the first one. I hope you like the change! Sorry I toke so kriffing long to update!**

 **Disclaimer: I do not own Star Wars Rebels. If I had, Maketh Tua wouldn't of died.**

2\. It wasn't long before Ezra realized that this was a _very bad idea._

He thought that he could cross the plains, soaking wet, and hungry during the windy season. Ezra's mind, foggy with hunger barely thought about it as he stumbled in the direction of his tower. _I'm eleven, I know what I'm doing._ He thought as another shooting pain in his stomach made him hold his side. As fell onto his knees he thought back to what had happened to get him here.

In the middle of a field.

Feeling like he was going to die.

* * *

Ezra had woken up hungry in the tower. He hadn't eaten since yesterday at dawn. Dragging himself out of his sleeping shelf he crept to his hidden hoard. Pulling the plate off the wall and throwing his hand into the little crevice, he patted around for food. With a frown he peeked his eyes into the hole and groaned.

There was no food.

With that _wonderful_ discovery he had to go to Capital City. Pulling on a ratty brown shirt and equally destroyed grey pants and he'd gone off on his quest for something to eat. First the boy checked the alley ways, hoping for some leftovers in the trash but to no reward. Ezra huffed out a sigh and headed to the market. Maybe the fruit vendors would be merciful.

But today the fruit vendors were ill tempered and more violent to thieves then usual. The Empire had once again put regulations on farmers and their crops. Ezra couldn't even swipe a jogan. Barely anyone was out walking the streets because of the windy season's weather. Lothal usually didn't have bad weather, but during two standard months the winds would go crazy. Even in the city, far away from the flat plains, you could feel them.

Then after that was winter.

Some Imperial officers had recognized him as the brat that had been causing trouble and chased him through the lower city. The only way he'd gotten away was trudging though the sewers. By the time he'd found an exit that avoided the Stormtroopers, the sun was almost down.

Ezra, feeling his strength start to sap, walked over to the local bar. _Maybe they'll be too drunk to notice if i swipe a credit._ Quietly settling into a dark corner, he scanned the room for a good person to borrow from. Luckily he spotted a sleeping duros. The duros's face was smeared across the bar table.

Ezra smiled as he crept toward the _oh so kind_ benefactor of the credits that would buy him dinner. When he got there his fingers extended into the duros's pocket. He nearly yelped with joy when his fingers touched a leather pouch, but sense kept him silent. The lothrat could almost _taste_ the jogan pie these credits would buy him.

"Wha' 'er ya doin'..?" A deep, slurring voice came from the smashed face as it slowly raised it's head. _Karablast!_ Ezra thought. The boy slowly tried to back away, but the drunk duros caught his wrist with suprising strength. The duros rose, realizing what Ezra had just tried to do. Ezra flinched as the duros raised an empty bottle of correllian wine.

The eleven year old's heart sank.

The anger in the drunk's eyes was a kind Ezra had seen before.

The kind that you run from, or else you get hurt.

A sudden instinct screamed at him to dodge left as his attacker flung his bottle gripping hand down where Ezra's head was. An impulse in his mind directed his body to bite the duros's arm. The duros yelled and let the boy go, clutching his bitten arm. The lothrat ran as fast as he could outside the bar, Into the biting wind.

 _Tower, tower, tower._ His adrenaline rushed mind didn't allow another thought as he rushed through the alleys and roads. Ezra finally stopped running when the sight of grass, and the chill of the wind hit him. He placed his hands on his knobby knees for a moment. His breaths came gasps as he struggled to regain air. He looked out on to the plains that held his tower.

 _Well it isn't that far._ Ezra's exhausted mind reasoned as he dragged himself into the grass. _I'll make it, tomorrow I'll just go to a farm, all I have to do is make it tonight._

* * *

Now he was here. Struggling in a field with no one to help.

Desperately, Ezra made an attempt to get up. The boy managed to get on his feet, unsteady and shaking. _Just one more step._

Suddenly a gust of wind hit his wet body. Then another that managed to flail his skinny self into the grass. Wind starting to come in waves, he could feel it stinging his eyes. The water on his clothes and hair turned against him, making him shiver and curl into a ball in desperation for warmth. It didn't work, the cold of the wind wrapped around his frame like a snake.

Ezra could feel his fingers start to numb, he could barely keep his eyes open either. _Maybe I could just rest for a minute..._ he closed his eyes, but then opened them and shook his head. _No! I have to make it! I can't stop now. Just a little farther.._

 _(He made it, but not after hours of chilling wind, and bone deep tiredness. After this he'd thought he'd be ready for the coming winter._

 _He wasn't.)_

 **Thanks for reading! I hope you enjoyed it! In case you got a little confused the line breaks up the present, and what had went on during the day. I know what I'm probably going to do for the next chapter, but if you have any suggestions please tell me! Reviews and constructive criticism is valued! Haters shall be sent off to the nine sith hells.**


	3. Ghost Dreams

**I'm so sorry this hasn't been updated guys! Although late, I bring you the third chapter of "I feel cold" This one is after with "Gathering Forces."**

 **Disclaimer: I in no way claim to own Star Wars Rebels.**

 _"NO!"_

 _Tensing, he clenched his fists, calling for help, in a way only desperation brought. In that moment he felt his muscles tense, his jaw lock, and with it came a wave of power. Something unlocked in his mind, a door he didn't even think existed. But with it came chilling ice crawling through his body. Cold worse then the most unforgiving Lothal winter day._

 _The Inquisitor must of seen something on his face because his malicious grin was gone. The dark side force user took a cautious step back._

 _A flood of emotions hit him. Kanan's horror, the Inquisitor's suprise and slight fear, the stormtrooper's wave of pure terror, and the mother monster's utter rage. Ezra flung out his hand, directing the monster to attack._

As _the monster jumped over him and screeched at his enemies, he felt the cold reach his heart, his mind. A sudden darkness pounded his vision. Barely breathing, eyes rolling into his head, Ezra's knees buckled and he heard no more._

Ezra nearly yelled as his head banged against the ceiling of his room. Eyes wide with fear, his chest heaving, and skin slick with sweat. _(Even though he could still feel the chill)_ The padawan gasped as the vision ( _memory, illusion?)_ slipped from his head. Frantically he tried to grab it with his mind, but to no avail.

It was gone.

All that was left was an empty, frigid void.

"Kriff." He spat, placing his head in his trembling hands. It had been a few days since the perilous escape from the asteroid, and Ezra was still trying to remember what had happened. The event that had caused Kanan to freak out so much.

Right now his master was meditating with the holocron, Ezra could feel the ripples of the force coming from his mentor's room.

Ezra thought that time might bring back the memory, might beat back the amnesia, but it hadn't. Every night he'd come so _close_ to finding out what happened, but then it would fly out of his grasp.

Leaving him with nothing but a sickeningly _freezing_ feeling, and shaking so hard that he could barely climb down from his bunk.

Ezra sighed and rubbed his eyes. Glancing at the clock in the corner of the room told him it was currently the middle of the Ghost's night cycle. Ezra felt wide awake, the feelings the dream left him chased his tiredness away. The boy didn't know what to do. He couldn't disturb an already troubled Kanan. Zeb was cranky and even more bad tempered then usually if he didn't sleep well.

 _Hera did mention that I could go where ever I wanted if I couldn't sleep._ The blurry memory of Hera's talk to him on his first night on the Ghost came. Hera's kind smile and gentle words had calmed Ezra, soothed the constant noise of his mind whispering _theywillleaveliketheothers._

Trying to keep the shaking of his hands down, he nimbly crept down from his bunk and opener the door. The _swish_ noise cased Ezra to flinch. He quickly checked Zeb and found the huge lasat still asleep. Ezra crept through the halls, not making a sound. Years of stealing had taught him how to move silently.

Making it to the nose gun, he let out a breath and settled into the seat behind the gun. Ezra could see thousands of stars outside the window. The ebony sky filled with dots of light and color. The trembling in his hands went down as his focus shifted onto the sky.

He didn't notice the heavy footfalls of Kanan until the last second when his master's force signature was right behind him. Kanan crouched next to the seat, looking out the window. His usually calm sea green eyes were tired, and his hair was ruffled. bags stood out under his eyes. Ezra could see he wasn't the only one not sleeping well.

"You alright kid?" Kanan asked without looking at him.

"I'm fine." Ezra replied tersely. _(The shaking had started again, his hands were grasping his arms. He couldn't let Kanan see him like this.)_

"Kanan." Ezra hesitated, the older jedi turned to look at his padawan. "What happened on the asteroid base?"

He heard Kanan breath in deeply before heaving a great sigh. His master looked away into the window. Kanan's response was quiet, holding a hint of guilt.

"Something that was out of your control." Kanan closed his eyes. "Something I should of prepared you for."

 **Hey, I hope you liked it! Sorry again for the long wait, I'll try to be faster in getting he next chapter. Constructive criticism and reviews are very welcome! To all of you who have reviewed thank you a lot!**


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